Day Three of Blogger University for http://www.wordpress.com. Today I am given six single words to choose from. They are Hope, Regret, Home, Choice, Secret, and Abundance. I have decided to go with regret.
Regret can cover a very broad range. The moment you say to yourself, “what in the hell was I thinking?” or “Why in the hell did I do that?” you regret a decision that you had made. Any time you look back thinking how you could have done something better or different; you have made a choice that you regret. Regret is something that can stir a variety of emotions; hate, anger, jealousy, sadness, and humility just to mention a few.
Looking back I have made so many unwise decisions; especially as a teenager. I regret dropping out of school because I got my first wife to be pregnant. I decided to take responsibility for my irresponsible actions. I got my G.E.D. and went to work to support my daughter instead. If I could have done things different I would have controlled the situation better and used a condom or not had sex at all with my ex-wife to be. I don’t regret having my daughter. I just regret the timing and the person I had her with.
I regret moving onto a new relationship almost immediately after my first ex-wife. It also only ended up in divorce. I regret not knowing how to select a good woman. The main thing on my mind when I was younger was the sex life and not the quality of life in the long run. She ended up marrying my old squad leader from Bragg that she had a secret relationship with behind my back. He left his own wife to be with mine; he turned out to be a real dirt bag of a leader. A life lesson from that was to never trust anyone around your family; even some people you looked up to and considered a friend. They too can stab you in the back. Snakes are not only in the grass.
Luckily for me now; I now have a good Catholic wife who has selected me. God must have seen how stupid I was in decision-making and made the right one for me. Third times a charm so I have heard. We been together 6 years now with no children; which is longer than both my past marriages lasted each.
I loved my time-serving in The Military. I was a Mechanic in the US Army. My regret was not trying hard to achieve a higher rank. I was too relaxed. I knew my job well. I just wasn’t pushing myself in administrative areas. I held the rank Specialist for a very long time, too long. When my platoon Sargeant said I was the most decorated specialist in the Battalion I did not know if he was joking or not. If I could go back and make changes; I would focus more on my career and less on trying to be a family man. I would have stay until retirement.
After my second marriage I regret becoming somewhat of a playboy. I dated a hell of a lot of girls without being serious to most. Often a few ladies at a time. I was afraid of commitment after what I have already been through twice. Even though I really loved a few of them and had a really great time. I broke their hearts, I hurt their feelings, I used them for sex and companionship. Many would have made an excellent wife and life partner. But my insecurities failed me and caused me to be a person I really did not like being. Amazingly some of the ladies are still my friend and I appreciate that. Maybe they understood me when I didn’t. I just regret my behavior.
As you can see, some regrets can eat at your thoughts, some will be forgotten, and some will last a life time. Just remember, as much as you regretted something you did or said, it is exactly what you wanted at the time. No one can see the future. Your hopes and dreams at the time were probably on a positive note. Just continue to look forward and use the past as a lesson for making better decisions in the future. Try to think of the future and not just the here and now. Think of the risks involved in your decisions and try to avoid repeating what you already regret.
David Lee Martin